If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
