Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
