who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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