Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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