He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
