we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
