ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
