She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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