the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
