You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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