Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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