I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
