I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
