Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
