he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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