i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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