I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
