do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
