honey bunches of taint.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
