I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
