i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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