Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
