so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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