last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
