Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
