the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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