he shaved USA in his pubs
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
