He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
