I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
