Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
