i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You pole danced in your parka.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
