Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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