actually, I'm a sock model
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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