he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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