It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
