I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
