Whatcha textin bout Willis?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
