her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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