Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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