I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
