He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
