I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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