even my farts smell like vagina
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
