Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
