I looked at my own cervix.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
