I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My vagina just recognized that song.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
