I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
