I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How's work?
Spinning.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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