I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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