Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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