Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
