May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
