soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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