The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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