stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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