You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
