I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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