come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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