WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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