Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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