dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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