Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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