If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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