Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
