You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
