I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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