i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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