Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
