I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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