Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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