every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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