I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
