"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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