I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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