My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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