Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
