I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
