The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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