Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
