Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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