I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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