So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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