I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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